Welcome to Hope

Today, after watching the inauguration of President Elect Barack Obama, I felt that sense of vigorous integrity of what it means to be an American. In short listening to President Obama speak, made me, as an individual feel proud to be an American. I believe that history is often forgotten and I am more then grateful that President Obama rekindled on the subject of our founding fathers and how far we as a nation, as a whole have come, and also of how far we need to go. Its all been said by President Obama, how we are at war, how our economy (one of which used to be so great) is now weakened, how greed and irresponsibility was in our government, how we have made poor choices to prepare the nation for the future, how our housing market is down, how businesses are on the brink of collapsing, how the climate is changing for the worst, and how we as nation must change for the better in order to prevent the worst to come. There was something about Obama while he stood there today, something that reassured me that we will change, and that we will become one again as a nation, that we as Americans have the virtues, the spirit, the will, and the determination to change for the better. This is a new age and I believe that President Obama addressed that as clear as can be, and how we will pull through the storms, through all that will come and how we will stand as one and take on whatever challenge is addressed. I am more then eager to see what this man can do for his nation. And I am also honored to welcome you into office. So i say this, welcome to a new beginning, welcome to change, welcome to work to be done, welcome to a new realm of hope, and welcome President Barack Obama.

Leaving Rapture

Well I guess you could say ive sat down several times now and tried to write about the actual rapture. Truth is nobody will truly understand what I lost. I still dont even understand why I lost it. But know this, im leaving it behind. I miss it more then ever. More then you ever could comprehend. I love her to death still, and I hope for the best for her. I now understand even through all my strengths, my flaws overcame them. The town of rapture was a lonely place, one that sought to seek out pity. A place where fear was spawned and where hopes were shattered. A lifestyle of hurt and deception. And most of all a way of learning. No I cant say ive learned it all, im no where close to it, but what I have learned, (and its been a damn hard lesson) is that there are certain things we as human beings have no control over. I could tell you more, it will instill the pity that I wanted it too, but in all actuality it doesnt fix the problem. The problem will never be fixed. Its one of those things that are totaled, and cant be repaired. You have to go out and buy a new one and hope to god it runs as nice as the last one. No I dont throw that out to make it materialistic, because it wasnt. It was something more than love to me. Something that I would do anything for, something that i wouldve done more than anything. I miss her, but slowly and surely im moving on. And all that I can hope for is that I dont find myself back here again. Im heading out, and leaving rapture for good.

I sit II

I sit here thinking of could haves more then I should be. I sit here hoping all too much. And I sit here about to dispense advice on how we should view our lives. Be thankful for what you have and who you have. Know that your true friends will support your well being. Know that you will have moments of having your heart torn into a million pieces and blown away. Always be proud of who you are, always. Everyone is unique, everyone has their flaws, and everyone has their perfections. Know that time will move forward and as it does you will look back and wish you did more. Make memories. Know that the world has hate but it also has love, and know that love will always be there. Know that hate gets nobody anywhere. Know that people will think differently, people will be small minded; people will tend to stay inside their comfort zone. Know that you may and may not find that moment of complete happiness, it is up to you to accept what you have rather then want. We can give back. We can take away. Know that the present will ALWAYS be the hardest time that you live in. Know that you will be faced with more then enough hard decisions in your lifetime. And know that sometimes you will not make the right decisions. Learn from this. Know that in the end you create your destiny, any decision you make, you make it alone. Know that in life the small decisions will seem to dwindle before yours eyes as the larger ones present themselves. It is at these times that we need to ease back more and think about these big decisions, these are the ones who are going to dictate the rest of your life. Yes, the rest of your life. I will say it now and over and over again, think about decisions with out letting them ruin your present. Know that friends will come and they will go. Know that people will come go. And know that during the time that you know these people, that you should cherish every single moment, you never know when they may leave your life completely. Know that certain things are out of your control, and know that perfection can be found, its called happiness. Time will move forward, there is no way to relive the past. Know that what we can do is learn from the past, and know that we can apply it to our future. Know that you will hope. Know that you will wish. Know that you think. You will think a lot. Know that you will deal with bullshit. Know that it will pass. and know that life is the greatest thing that you have, never doubt your life or your well being, know that you are without a doubt as perfect as you make yourself, know that you are given one shot to live, and know that you have the opportunity to make it the best as possible.

I Sit

I sit constantly chasing a realm of ambiguities. Yet I chase it everyday in the hopes the other is reciprocating the same actions as I am, and just keeping them dormant for some unknown reason of adduce. Yes hope makes perhaps some of the heaviest armor, but it also makes for the greatest destructor of that armor. Hope in itself is a replacement for acceptance, absolution, and the outcome of consequence that has been rendered to you. Hope also though creates valor, it creates that form of denial that enables us to never to accept defeat and it creates the chance to obtain what we desire. Hope is unparalleled. It can never be justified nor can it truly be shut down. We may pretend we no longer have forms of hope, but truthfully we all hope on certain things, that may happen and may not.
I sit here constantly chasing something may never happen; I sit here constantly chasing something that I lost, I sit here trying to figure out how not to hope but to obtain. I sit here constantly with the same thing on my mind, I sit here pretending, creating a realm of illusion, a realm of escape from this everyday sanction of deception. I sit here everyday in awe and wonder to what will happen next. The best thing about all of this is that all this hope stands for only one situation, one small shard of life. Yet I sit here dwelling, and putting countless hours of thought into it. Call it my next challenge. I sit here with a challenge, it has presented itself in broad of open daylight and has challenged me to win it.
I sit here constantly in shock and awe of how stupid I am behaving. I sit here looking at the world around me and the immeasurable benevolent beauty it posses. I sit here watching the great feats of man pass before me. I sit here saying to myself that I too will add to the solution rather then take. I feel that everyone takes a certain amount from the world, it is a fact, as human beings we do take, but the amount that we can give back to the world is of uncomprehendible proportions. Gandhi once quoted “The world supplies enough for every man's need, but it will never be able to suffice for every man's greed". This is one quote that I stick to tenaciously. We as human beings never are able to accept what fortune we have in our lives, we never appreciate what we have until it has faded from us, and we never realize the natural beauty of our life until our life is almost over. So I sit here wondering why I didn’t appreciate what I had, I look back on it and wish I could have it back so I could actually appreciate it to its fullest potential.
I sit here constantly wondering where did the love go in my world. I sit here wondering how people allowed so much hate and fear to move in and replace the beauty of love. I sit here knowing that love will overcome any other emotion or thing it just needs to be found. Love in itself is perfection. True love is total and complete happiness; it is an escape from the ill manufactured world of hate and fear. No I do not believe the world was meant to be full of fear, but it has somehow happened. Yes love is still there, it will always be, we just need to find it and accept it. Love is the most comforting feeling in the world. I sit here wondering, I sit here hoping, and I sit here wishing that someday the world itself will find love again, I sit here praying that somehow that the hate, abhorrence, and malevolent force in this world will be replaced once again with justification, love, and benevolent force.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

So where do I begin. It has been a very rough three days for me. I’ve been tossed around mentally so much that I’m surprised I’m even sitting here right now. I’ve been turned to a point into which I can’t even sleep well. And during these past three days I have come to find perhaps the most influential mindset I have ever had. I myself, have found complete happiness through the pain. It may very well be the most complicated thing to explain but perhaps the easiest thing to understand once you have found it. In the past three days I have learned so much. Not so much about materialistic things, but about other people, myself and life.
People with no doubt are good, people are also evil and people are in fact human. It is just fact. People are human, and people are beautiful things. Yes there will be times where you are run down into the ground so hard by people that you won't want to get back up . Sometimes it will be the most painful thing you deal with because you care so much about that specific person. But when it comes down to it, people are good. In the long run people have good intentions. I’ve often been told that the present is the hardest time we will ever have to live in and I agree with that a lot. It is in the present where we are faced with choices for our future. Yes we will all make irrational decisions in our lifetime; some will make more then others. But it is from those decisions that we learn. The good news is that the past and future are the greatest times we will ever live in. That should be known. From the past we have some of our greatest memories. And the future offers so much opportunity, all we have to do is reach out and grab it. But sometimes that reach will be perhaps the hardest thing you will ever do.But trust me once you finally grasp opportunity, life will be that much better.
But back onto subject. Beauty.I have found it. I have found beauty in myself, others and the world. Life is beautiful. It is the greatest thing god has ever given us. Life gives us the chance to create memories. The chance to learn. The chance to make a difference. The chance to love.

If there is one emotion out there that can overcome all others it's love. Life is about loving. Love yourself, you are who you are, be thankful for that, you are a unique individual, god intended it to be that way. Love everyone around you, you would be surprised how losing someone can shatter your foundation, love them, with all of your heart, for every single second you are with them. Love the world, for if we all can find some common ground of loving each other we will be that much closer to obtaining a higher understanding of how life should be lived. Life should not be lived in fear.Life should be cherished and loved. Because again life is the greatest gift we have been given.

Understand that will have moments of being lost, we will have moments of questioning ourselves, we will have moments where we question others, we will have moments where everything may seem in disarray. It is in these moments where we need to find that love. It comes in so many forms. It's there trust me; all we have todo is look for it and accept love rather then denying it. Again I can’t stress it enough, life is meant to be beautiful. God did not intend for us to live in misery and fear. He intended for us to be happy.

So I guess I could ramble on for hours upon hours about how I have found beauty in life. I have found my happiness for the time being and I sure do pray to God that it stays with me. Again the present will always be the hardest time for us to live in no matter what, because we are constantly dealing with choices, choices that dictate our future, the future that we want to be so good. No, never stop making those choices for the future, but for once, slow down and think on those choices, and if possible make sure that while making those choices your present can be the best possible.

What I Know

So again here I sit contemplating that one person who i once called best friend. The one person who I thought would stand by me through most of anything. The person who I would in fact give it up for. I often believe we have moments in life we act immature over things because we are young at heart, this is definitely not one of those untrusted moments. As I’ve said it before, i have my ground set, I know where i stand as of now, and I know of true happiness, but along with that I know exactly where i am not standing, and I know of complete loss. I know of could haves, I know of sorrow, I know of pain, and I know of breakage. I know of joy, I know of memories, and I know how things will end up with my situation. No its not exactly bad, but out of all the things that I know, the could haves are the ones that tear me, drag me, and make me collapse. Yes I know more then anyone that life will go on. Life will be great. But again it is the could haves. I guess people will always say that I can do better, I will find someone better, and i will be better off. But the truth is that I was perfectly happy, it odd how fast things clicked with this individual. I could not have been happier. I will say it again, I could have not been happier. I had found an unique individual, one who would be there for me, one who was different then every other woman, one that was smart, one that beautiful, one who had the personality that if i heard them luagh I was comforted, one who i had felt safe around, one who i could truly be my complete self around, one who shared passions with me, one who i could call family, one who i would indeed give it all up for, call it perfection. I had found perfection, no not my own, i dont believe anyone can call themselves perfect all they do is berate themselves, but for us to reach out and call someone else perfect is much different. Who knows maybe I will find that someone who has also reached perfection, someone who will not crash my world. But as of now im recovering still, I know i will miss the could haves, I know I will miss the complete happiness, and I know I will move forward, because that is all I can do about my situation.